My Take on Oneness

The subject matter of oneness is a topic that has been gathering momentum not only in spiritual circles around the globe. There seems to be a shift happening amongst many, expressing itself in questioning many things that were formerly accepted as truth.

Evolutionary pioneers such as the late Barbar Max Hubbard and Gregg Braden have been unpacking a concept that many see as an optional belief rather than fact. Some of the reason for this is the manner in which it is talked about. Sometimes the language used seems to make it seem a bit too ‘out there’ rather than grounded in a way that ordinary non religious folks can understand and utilise to better their lives and those around them. 

I want to offer a perspective from my own journey which may help to simplify and amplify the potential benefits. When I started to write my book Breaking Free in 2010 a core theme I addressed was that of self reconciliation, by which I mean making peace with myself through forgiveness, and loving myself unconditionally, including bonding and embracing myself.

What was powerful about that process of unconditional love was that it opened up my heart to embrace something I had up till now only subscribed to, because its implications had evaded me up till this point. You see for many years I have subscribed to the belief that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. However it is one thing to subscribe to that, it is another thing to be able to embrace the implications of that in a way that you can feel and operate from it.

During the process of self -reconciliation as I put my roots down into unconditional love toward myself, my capacity to observe with greater clarity became somewhat expanded.  As I viewed the world through this expanded lens I realised that the ecosystems of nature, the galaxy and the human anatomy which I had viewed as stand alone systems, were in fact interconnected. A simple example from nature is that what the tree breathes out, we breath in and vice versa.

Scientists and physicists have taken this further by observing tangible life forms under a powerful microscope which can reveal things beyond the human eye.  Physical matter can be viewed as molecules and atomic structures, and this can break down into sub atomic properties such as the electron and neutron. At some point underlying the finest particle appears to be empty space, and yet like electricity it is anything but empty, and more like a huge vibrating field of energy.

In fact the famous inventor Nikola Tesla who designed the alternating current in electricity and the coil now used in radio technology is famous for his quote on the underlying force of all creation. ‘If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration’ Nikola Tesla

The field of quantum physics has further endorsed that with its experiments in light and sound frequencies. So while we experience ourselves as distinct human beings and life forms through the human eye, at the root all life forms derive from this one universal energy and life force, which means that everything is connected. 

Its this universal energy that holds the true blueprint of our identity and human potential, and It is this interconnection between all life forms and ecosystems that has led to the unifying theory of oneness. Yet how can we work with this knowledge to better our lives and those around us? The first thing to say is that it needs more than the intellect to grasp this.

If you open your natural instinct and natural intelligence through an open heart, mind and intuition, more will become apparent. In day to day life, many harbour dreams of a better more prosperous life, without the penalty of burnout and ill health. Some may have legacy type dreams that are more than just about improving their lifestyle, but are focussed on making the world a more free, harmonious and prosperous place for humanity.

In order to achieve this without huge penalty, it is important to have a self-image which aligns with your true core identity so that you can be authentic, create with joy and purpose in a more powerful and accomplished way. I have come to discover that self reconciliation via unconditional love not only resolves the conflicts of feeling separated but opens the door to further reconcile with your true core identity in such a way as can be felt viscerally and not just in the head.

This in turn lifts the burden of feeling separated and driven by the competitive energy of survival, to a more co-creative and collaborative use of energy as we learn to work with the natural laws of the universe.  The power of our true potential can start to reveal itself and flow through our lives in a more efficient manner. We are able to distinguish between cause and effect more clearly and attend to the causal factors that can produce better effects rather than vice versa.

I have been able to experience a greater peace even in the face of challenge, as a result of embracing oneness more, and it has enabled me to feel an imminence about manifestation rather than its mere potential.  Things are manifesting around me with greater ease too, and I feel more relaxed with an enhanced wellbeing and greater capacity to heal from the inside out where needed.

In the book called The Divine Matrix,  author and evolutionary pioneer Gregg Braden describes something of that difference when he says ‘there’s a subtle yet powerful difference between working toward a result and thinking and feeling from it’ [p66].

This is a somewhat condensed  and simple dialogue describing what I have discovered so far. Since I am participating in this universe the key to living in this way is one of partnership, and that partnership is based on understanding what unites and connects me with my creative source rather than what separates me from that source and other life forms.

In working cooperatively with the natural laws of the universe, this impacts my capacity to influence my life for good and those around me. This video gives a couple simple tips on what I did to grasp this further and how you can too.

I hope this gives you an easier access point to understand the subject matter and if you’d like to learn more and gain more insights I would like to invite you to the Global Oneness Summit where there will be a whole host of speakers talking about different facets of oneness and how that plays out in life.

The event is online and free to register, after which you will receive the details of speakers and times. It is free to listen in throughout the week. If you want to,  later you will have the opportunity to purchase the live streams to add to your library but this is not compulsory.  CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

I will be hosting a panel called Bridging The Oneness Gap and it will live stream on October 23rd 2019. This panel attempts to define oneness in a practical way and understand through the journeys of the respective speakers how to impact your life  individually as well as to serve humanity in a profound and more conscious way. I  welcome you to join us and look forward to seeing you there.

In the meantime have a wonderful day ahead. In the Spirit of Oneness Anita 

Today is known as World Suicide Prevention day,  a day which focuses on a subject matter which is uncomfortable and unpleasant for so many of us.

Whether you are somebody suffering from depression or somebody who is observing a close one who is suffering from depression, or whether you are looking after someone who is suffering from depression and considering ending their life,  it is a difficult experience all round

I remember when I worked in mental health as a nurse I lost one person to suicide on ‘my watch’ so to speak. I knew this person was going to commit suicide and the suicide did not happen on the ward. it did not take away from the human suffering and difficulty that ensued for all involved.

The patient under my team’s care was somebody who had been admitted onto the ward with a diagnosis of borderline schizophrenia. He was brought in by the police while kicking and fighting, and placed under a section of the Mental Health Act. 

Once he had calmed down albeit with resignation, there were many discussions that took place. He was a lovely young man with good reasoning ability.

The defining discussion was one in which he shared with me that he felt he did not have a future. his reasoning was that he was aware enough to understand that with the label he had been given, there was a stigma attached and his chances of holding down a job having a girlfriend and a family were slim at best.

Additionally  there was the prejudice of a society looking on that would make all the above very difficult. His reasoning was quite logical and he felt his quality of life if would ebb away bit by bit and he did not have the resource to deal with that. 

One weekend whilst on hospital leave he reportedly said goodnight to his is mother, told her he loved her and he next morning he was found hanging  in the barn of their property.

While many deplore the act of suicide as an act of cowardice, this example shows that the issues are far more difficult. Some of the many themes that runs through suicidal feelings is one of intense isolation, poor available choices,  and a feeling of powerlessness, accompanied by a hopelessness and despair which sees no light at the end of the tunnel.

It is also accompanied by an awareness of the stigma that is very much endemic in our society, one that simply advocates that people pull themselves together and think positively.

On a personal front I recall the time I battled with suicidal feelings as a result of enduring domestic violence, bullying, murder and an enduring conflict and battle with my sexuality in my early 20’s onwards. I felt like a leper in the face of society’s prejudice and bullying.

Had it not been for a period of time living with a family that mirrored unconditional love to me beyond religion, who knows where my life would have ended up.

Somewhat ironically it was the news of a young man who hung himself on account of of his sexuality and the conflicts with the church he belonged to to at that  time, which shocked me and eventually took me down a path of questioning a lot of things.

My resolution did not come overnight. My suffering and agony played out in a quiet desperation and the tragic events that played out at home accentuated that suffering. But resolution came.

I was a very educated person and yet education was not enough I needed the inspiration of people who had journeyed and overcome in order to reignite my sense of life. I needed to know it could be done .

One night I had a dream which became my turning point. My dark night of the soul became a backcloth for a journey of transformation which I wrote about in my book and song Breaking Free.

This was a book I had not intended to write because the nature of the tragedy that played out in my family life was very public. My need for privacy was intense and I had no idea if I would ever recover either of those.

The dream became my anchor and helped me, and overtime  my desire to inspire and help other people overtook my need for privacy and many years later I wrote the book and song.

This book was not about having my fifteen minutes of fame and telling my story. It was about an ache of the soul and a desire of the heart to try to ensure that other people could be spared the pain I went through or at least shorten their suffering by sharing my journey and my discoveries that got me over to the other side.

A key part of that was not just learning who I truly was at the core but acquiring the tools and resources to transform that into new life, one I could live with newfound joy and purpose as its thread.

Not everyone will embrace life and one young man who suffered from depression and suicidal feelings has offered a perspective for those who still feel they cannot continue with life. It is an open and honest account which he suggests could ironically save a life rather than see the close of life. See his article here on Medium

Thankfully I found that place called life, and it did not come from a text book. The message of the book is part of  my life’s work and I am so thankful for every life that it has touched. However I also know that we need more people to share their stories of overcoming so that people know that this can be an actual reality for them not just a theoretical concept.

It will help many to break the isolation of their journey give them new hope and a process by which they can rediscover themselves and life in a new way. 

There are those who are doing that.  Don’t Hold Back by Emma-Jane Taylor and The Dirt Merchants by Henning Morales are examples of people who are leading the way through their lives to inspire young people and adults alike. We need more of this and we need inspirational films also, to leverage technology to get these messages of hope and new life out into the world.

You can read the lyrics to the song Breaking Free here, and you can also listen to my song

In the meantime  I encourage everybody irrespective of today to become more aware of other people rather than turn a blind eye, and to to find moments to express kindness, human touch and genuine unconditional love. 

You never know what a person may be going through in their day.  Depression does not always show itself in a sad face. it can be hidden behind a smile and you never know your act of kindness might save a life and show somebody a new path.

If you are somebody seeking hope and inspiration I encourage you to read the journeys of people who have overcome and found new life again.

Most of these books like mine can be found on Amazon and even if you’re somebody that is struggling for money you can open up a free account on Audible and access many of these books in audio format for free for at least 30 days.

Whatever you choose to do my hope and prayer is that you make this day count and experience more abundance in your own life as well as maybe to impart something of that abundance to the life of another.

Today I am grateful for a new day and for the chance to live, to be me, to create with joy and purpose. I am also so thankful for all those along the way who imparted or injected life into me without judgement and with an unconditional love that has been a huge part of my recovery my growth and allows me to live and share with you in this way today

Anita Narayan

The Turning Point

The Turning Point

I collapsed in a heap on the floor, alone in the dark and silence, too tired to feel much, yet too aware not to notice the burnout, disillusionment, anguish, guilt, resentment and shame that had been quietly gnawing away at my soul. Over the next month, waves of intense grief left my eyes feeling sore and swollen. They were followed by brief interludes of calm, which felt more like reprieve than resolution of grief.

I sat for long periods staring ahead aimlessly, unable to coordinate thought or movement in more than a momentary fashion. It is one thing to grieve when someone dies of illness in the family, but it is a completely different type of grief when one member of the family deliberately and wilfully takes the life of another family member. That grief was immobilising me.

To think that years ago I wanted to be a detective in the police force, but wasn’t tall enough. Now I had solved my own family murder before the police. It all felt like a sick joke. I was aware from my training in psychiatry about the different stages of grief – denial, bargaining, depression, anger, and acceptance.

However none of those stages of grief seemed apt in their description when, one day, in a moment of reprieve, I found myself strongly tempted to get a gun and put it to my father’s head to inflict back on him the very pain he had delivered to my sister-in-law.

However revenge was not really the enduring thought. My thoughts surpassed revenge to a more practical consideration. If I killed him it would stop him ever murdering again in the event of his release. It would delete the torture that would ensue for the family, both in anticipation of his release and his actual release. After all, he had continued to maintain his innocence, and believed we had conspired to put him behind bars. He had already continued with murderous intent on the rest of the family before he was arrested, by attempting to poison my mother’s food one evening.

Who knows what other measures he would have taken to wipe out the family, in order to get his hands on any family money. My father had been given a minimum tariff and life sentence of fifteen years. That did not seem long enough. I could put an end to that fifteen year reprieve by killing him before he killed again. I could stop our lives being defined by the anticipation of another murderous cycle starting again, should he ever be released, which I was told was unlikely.

The police seemed to think that he would not have the physical frame to commit murder if he ever came out. How they missed the point! They did not seem to want to accommodate that at fifty five years old, psychology had played the upper hand in the execution of his planned murder, not his physique. I felt quite calm, lucid and rational at this point. At the same time the idea of putting a revolver to my father’s head seemed to remain suspended in time, long after the original thought emerged.

Then, as if woken suddenly from an altered state of consciousness, a fresh wave of horror took over me. What was I becoming in all this, that I could entertain such foreign thoughts to my own character? Was I just like my father? We had often been compared as alike in personality – charming, strong willed, strong minded, stubborn.

Was I now just absorbing and taking on his thoughts, by wanting to end his life? I wanted to get out of my skin, and cleanse myself. It took all conscious thought to prize myself away from that notion, and tell myself that whilst we might be alike in some aspects of our personalities, we stood for different values.

Then I had an awakening moment, an epiphany, as a picture emerged before me. It was to complete a turning point in my quest to recover and find life again. That turning point had been signalled initially by the dream in the night which foretold this event. It came full circle now as I pondered my father’s imprisonment, because what got reflected back to me in my mind’s eye, was an image of myself behind prison bars, in the cell next to my father.

My father was in a physical prison with bars made of steel which prevented his freedom from the outside world. I was in the outside world, supposedly free, yet living within an inner prison. My bars were made of bitterness, hate, anger, resentment, unforgiveness, blame, disillusionment, self-loathing, fear and distrust. Unless I found the key to break free from this prison, I was as good as in a physical prison,next to my father.

I felt like the walking dead. I had a decision to make – to release the true person I was and discover life, or become a prisoner to my past, and merely exist at best as a recovered victim. Spurned by the shock and realisation of this picture, I decided that day that I would make this journey. That decision was made more out of fear and desperation than desire, but it was a starting point. I had no clue as to how I would find the resources or the answers, but I held onto the inspirational message from the dream of the triumphant journey I would make.

The Awakening

The Dream 1992

In the dream I found myself in an autumn scene in a field of hay where the bales were ready for harvest. This was one of my favourite reflective spots. However, in this dream my heart was so full of grief that it literally felt like I was carrying a physical weight that was far too heavy. I staggered under its weight. A close friend of mine was trying to reach out and comfort me, but I shunned her away as I wanted to be alone.

She walked away with sadness in her eyes. I collapsed from the weight of my grief behind a bale of hay, lay face down, and sobbed for ages. As I lifted my head momentarily, out of the corner of my left eye I could see a lion. I did not know where it came from, and at that moment I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to be eaten alive as I had no fight left.

To my surprise the lion came and sat down beside me and put its paw round me. As I lifted my head more, I noticed that there was a little child under me of no more than three years of age. How come I did not notice her? She looked like me when I was three years old. She appeared vulnerable and was looking intently into my eyes for support. How come I did not see her there or feel her there under my body?

As I looked up, I noticed a man setting the field alight with a match in the far right corner of the field. I turned to the lion and said ‘surely he is not going to destroy the only place that means anything to me, where I feel safe’. Before I knew it the whole field was ablaze.

Somehow I knew it was my father. The lion pulled me up with the toddler, and we seemed to fly to a place where there was a stream at the bottom end of the field behind me. The lion placed us down just as the fire reached the verge. The dream cut at the point where I was holding this toddler, looking on at the devastation of a burnt field, yet also wondering in amazement about the great rescue by the lion and its significance.

Dream ends…

Breaking Free Song

Breaking Free – Song by Anita Narayan

I couldn’t see how I could survive, let alone to feel alive inside

As the rubble of my life lay all around, a devastation far too big

All my inner assets were frozen, I was numb from all the endless trauma

No will to carry on, an endless nightmare, which had no answer

                                 ∼∼∼∼∼∼∼

My prison bars were made of unforgiveness, the guilt and shame, destructive in their power

So I tried to run and hide from this huge storm, there was no cover

Trapped beneath my grief and all the anguish, afraid to ever love myself again

I was locked within a prison, and my life, was void of meaning

                                  ∼∼∼∼∼∼∼

Then somewhere in the dark, an inner voice broke through

Through a crack in my closed heart I saw a light

As I looked up in the dark I felt a hand reach out

And in the still surround, I clearly heard….

‘Listen to me…

Though you walk through fire you will not be burned

Though the waters rise above you, you will never drown

My grace and strength will shield you, you’ll never walk alone

And you will come to know the love that’s needed…

In order to break free’

                                            ∼∼∼∼∼∼∼

My heart revived I rose out from the rubble, an inner gauge had clicked, I came alive

I went and stood where I had seen that light, I turned to watch myself

Ripple waves of light were emanating, a new strength and a love were burning brightly

And the bars that once had formed my inner prison, they just dissolved away

                                               ∼∼∼∼∼∼∼

As I started opening up my heart a little more, so that inner voice began to speak again

And a new dawn came and took away the darkness, I felt and heard beyond immediate pain…

’Listen to me..

Open up your heart now and you will see the key

Use your intuition now, and you will start to see

Your prison door is open, you can now be free

Choose your path with wisdom, and your vision

You are breaking free’

                                            ∼∼∼∼∼∼∼

And I just kept opening up my heart a little more, and that inner voice grew strong and very clear

I could see a path to living with a vision, with a message written in my life for all….

….it’s plain to read now

‘Settle with your heart now, choose to love yourself

Embrace your gifts and talents, you were born to let them shine

Don’t exist but live now, let love flow through you

Bringing life to you and all around…help to set them free’

Open up your heart….. you will see the key…reach it with your hand… and you will know, that you are breaking free